Stress seems to become me but from that comes productivity. I only work one or two days a week on call. I am pleased to be in an office, I created a new filing system because they were not very organized. The supervisor was impressed and wants me to apply after the Temp Agency contract is done. I got a compliment on my politeness and phone adequate, they thought it was a Disney skill but it was not. The rest of the week I have been working out, trying to put on just a little muscle. I looked better when I first started it. I am not able to sleep tonight, too many things on my mind. I am thinking about my love, I am thinking where I am going to live since my parents sold our house, I am working on getting a full time decent paying position that I would be challenged and happy fulfilling, I am thinking about why I am brewing coffee at this hour. I smoke too much, sometimes over my all time high of a pack a day, I went through a pack and a half the other day. I smoke much more when I drink and I drink much more when I am depressed, and I don't stop drinking until I pass out when I drink alone. I watched Enterprise on UPN and its just now becoming the least bit interesting. I like the Romulans, I have identified with them since High School, I still have a Romulan emblem on my current backpack. I was doing thinking, more accurately, re-thinking things that I have done wrong in the past. I was thinking of all the times I almost died. I am having somewhat of a flashback I guess you could say. I also did some grocery shopping this week. Its nice to get out of the house. I am going to be up all night but I can sleep all day tomorrow. I need to buy some weights. They discontinued my planner but I can still buy it at full price from the company, I am trying to design my own sheet because even the best of planners lack important features I often need. I designed a city and dubbed it with the name of my love. I often draw pictures of things or shapes, I don't know what but it always finds a way together. I played with the cats yesterday, now my finger has a bloody scratch. It was still fun though. I have done much reading as the unemployed and people who go to temporary assignments often do, I read a great book which I am almost done with mentioned in my last entry I wrote tonight (or this morning). I was born under the same Moon Sign as Eva Peron, people often read horoscopes which is the Sun sign you are born under during which ever part of the year you were born, there are also different Moon Signs that people are born under, a Moon sign is typically secondary to the Sun sign and represents unconscious tendencies, my are more apparent than my Sun sign. I want to feel the one I love
inside of me physically. I still have yet to visit the church but I will get there. I won't hurt myself but I sometimes wish that I
had been killed. I did not drink the coffee which is why I am still tired but I have drank a huge amount of Diet Coke and a Cream soda. I miss my grandmother. It rained today and I hardly noticed, I wanted to have Subway for lunch since they have a special but I never got out. I dyed my hair back tonight, the natural color was actually kinda nice but far less suitable. I don't know if I will put in the highlights that I already bought. It hurts me when you get mad at me and even more when you don't talk to me about it but you post it on
your Blog for the world to see. I am not upset now because I remembered you told me its just simple thought and I twist the words. No one has a right to destroy one single human thought. I wish I had not deleted my other two blogs, they were much better than this one. One of the Cats is scratching up a piece of furniture right now. If anything were to happen to me, all the important information is locked in the green box beside my bed along with other things important to me.
I have had the same roll of film in my old camera since 2001. I am waiting for the power to go out and loose all this that I am writing. My room is cold and stale, it needs to be organized better. I have the windows covered up because I don't like the light in there "We are all thieves underneath the dis-honest one, the light". I am ashamed for things that happened before I was born. I have been haunted by ghosts before and so has my family. I made an ice cream cone with icecream from Stater Brothers that is not fat free or sugar free. I did not like the after taste. Hold on, I need to take some pills (no not in a bad way). I had really bad allergies the other day. I don't know if they came from outside or if I had an allergic reaction to the sushi I ate. Ralph's carries only California rolls now and I had to pop out the imitation crab meat into the trash can, I filled the holes with ginger. I need to buy more pills. I need to take care of myself better. I like talking to people even though I am shy. People tell me I talk loud. I wanted to type something but I forget what it was. I have owned three cars in my life, not at the same time. I have done some pretty stupid things., I used to be very impulsive. You are probably laughing at me. I had a good dream the last time I slept; it felt like you were beside me. I feel like watching Jaws. Hey, what ever happened to us going to see that really good movie? There is another good one out too. I want to go to the next Grand Slam Star Trek convention in Pasadena, its really sad they tore down that mall across from the convention center on Green street, it was much better than the Riverside Galleria. Disneyland is evil, but mostly because of the bad management, policy, low expectations, and the fear of change. I did like working at Walt Disney World however, (despite the fact I was at Disneyland MUCH longer). I thought about showing my profile, but the old blogs still show up. I feel sick now as in wanting to vomit. I also feel old. I am chatting with my friend in Taiwan, men are required to serve in the military every so often but they let him out for the weekends I suppose. Its been a while since I chatted with him. That was quick, atleast he said hi. I can't believe I am still awake. I don't feel so sick now, but I do feel hungry. I likely won't eat anything. I forgot that I was doing something else online before I started writing this! To hell with it, I am too damned tired. I kind of feel like when they kill off a regular cast member on Television. I have a bag full of candles but not the scented ones that I like. When I don't like scented candles, I use tea lights mostly. Floating candles are also nice but the water usually prematurely puts them out prior to their natural predicted burning time. I hate waiting to do my laundry, especially when I have so many cloths (and yet still I have nothing to wear) that I have divide them up into separate loads. I have a song stuck in my head and it won't stop spinning like the giant disco ball I have in my head, for most people my age it should already have stopped. Ofcourse I sound mad, as in crazy but its way past 3am. I am sane but I like scaring people to think I'm not. This whole this is reminiscent of a story from Rose of the TV show "Golden Girls", I don't know how I am going to land this! I just saw Barney the Dinosaur run across the screen. It was not a screensaver. I'll have one more cigarette, then its off to bed where I will try to sleep. Atleast I am not talking to myself. But if nobody reads this, its as though that I AM talking to myself....Scary! Stay Tuned, Bye Folks!
